Lead Like Jesus: Seeking the Best For Others

I recently heard a CEO describe his role as the spiritual leader of his company. He wasn’t talking about converting people to his Christian faith, but instead about caring for them deeply as humans.

He reminded me a little of Max De Pree, the eponym of our center and CEO of Herman Miller. De Pree championed the idea that leaders ought to care deeply for and act on behalf of the people they serve. He insisted that leaders take responsibility for not only the bottom line or the quarter’s metrics, but for the people entrusted to our care.

Scripture teaches us that the charge to care deeply for others is not only for leaders at the top of an organizational chart, but for anyone walking in the way of Jesus. Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves, illustrating it through the story of someone willing to let empathy interrupt his to-do list (Luke 10). This is the invitation for all of us: to let empathy interrupt and to let that empathy fuel the way forward. We all have a responsibility to care.

This is the invitation for all of us: to let empathy interrupt and to let that empathy fuel the way forward.

When Paul writes to the churches at Galatia, he echoes this teaching by saying: “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Galatians 5:13-14).

Seeking the best for people is at the heart of our responsibility as Christians. There are lots of realities that can almost seem to work against our being good neighbors. Busyness, competing agendas, difficult people. Even so, Scripture invites us to move through the world with nuance, holding potentially competing commitments together so that we might attune more deeply to our neighbors.

What Our Research Says

Our De Pree Flourishing Leaders Research tells the story that when leaders take seriously the Christian responsibility to seek the best for others, it contributes to both our own flourishing as well as the flourishing of those entrusted to our care. While this study included those with formal leadership roles, the principles are for all of us who lead in the various parts of our lives.

The link between our own flourishing and seeking the best for others highlights the interdependent relationship between loving others and loving ourselves. The call to seek the best for others is not at our own expense. It doesn’t mean we won’t sacrifice in the name of service, but rather that we don’t lose sight of God’s best for everyone—including ourselves. I actually wonder, can we genuinely seek the best for others if we aren’t in touch with who we are at our best?

I actually wonder, can we genuinely seek the best for others if we aren’t in touch with who we are at our best?

When Seeking the Best for Others is Hard

When I present our research findings to an audience, people usually do a lot of head nodding when I get to the part about seeking the best for others. Of course, we should be good neighbors! Of course, that includes all people! And it feels right that the research helps us understand that caring for others is good for us, too.

But, here’s the thing: it gets much harder when we ask,

When is it hardest for you to seek the best for others?

• When I’m stressed or overwhelmed
• When they’ve wronged me
• When we don’t see eye to eye
• When what they think is best doesn’t align with what the company thinks is best
• When no one (including myself) is seeking the best for me
• When there’s a part of me that’s immature

It’s really easy to want to seek the best for others on paper while having a hard time getting past these kinds of obstacles. Where does that leave us?

Oftentimes, we end up accidentally causing harm. When it gets hard to seek the best for others, there’s often a lot at play. One of these things is what author Parker Palmer calls the inner play of shadow and light. All the good stuff and bad stuff that we carry at any given time. The mature parts of us and the immature parts. Palmer writes, “A good leader is intensely aware of the interplay of inner shadow and light, lest the act of leadership do more harm than good.”

What do we do with our shadows as leaders? We all have them. And if we’re not aware of how we’re doing, these are exactly the circumstances in which good leaders can cause harm. In which faithful people can get it wrong. I’ve been on both sides of this: I’ve caused harm, I’ve been harmed. And as I’ve listened to lots of folks share their stories, both about getting hurt and causing harm, it’s all just really hard.

But the responsibility of leaders isn’t to be perfect. The hope of God is that Christ is perfect, and meets us in our imperfection, able to handle whatever shadowy stuff we’ve got going on. It’s this kind of love that gives us the courage to take on our own responsibility of care—to do our inner work and show up as people who are intensely aware of our own inner play of shadow and light. Or to do as theologian Howard Thurman says and “chart the inner sea” so that we can lean into seeking the best for others.

It’s this kind of love that gives us the courage to take on our own responsibility of care—to do our inner work and show up as people who are intensely aware of our own inner play of shadow and light.

Getting Practical

So, where to start?

1. Get Honest with Yourself. I find Chelsea Logan’s simple reflection prompts a helpful starting point:

• How do I specifically and actively seek the best for those entrusted to my care?
• What situations or people in my work and leadership prove to be the hardest for me to want what’s best for others?
• Why might that be?

2. Listen with Courage. If you find yourself needing a baseline beyond yourself, you might do some intentional listening. Ask your colleagues:

• Do I make you feel cared about as a colleague?
• When do I kind of miss the mark?

3. Learn More about People. Sometimes we fall short of seeking the best for others because we get stuck or our own anxiety gets in the way. Other times, it’s because we don’t know people all that well. Can you answer:

• What do people hope for?
• Where do they feel pain or loss?
• What and who do they love?

4. Pray. Prayer is part of our unique Christian response to whatever is going on in the world. One of the most helpful prayer methods for me has been the prayer of examen. Plus, we have compiled a set of prayers based on the Psalms written by Mark D. Roberts that cover a broad range of topics, including moments when we find it hard to seek the best for others. For example, there are prayers for:

• When someone is out to get you
• When you’re feeling burnt out
• When a friend turns against you
• When you’ve done something morally wrong

Here at the De Pree Center, we believe deeply in a world in which, oriented by the hope of Christ, we seek the very best for the people and systems entrusted to our care. Imagine the ripple effect of workplaces, boardrooms, parking lot conversations, and even Zoom meetings.