It’s Okay to Say “No” at Work

I am a recovering people-pleaser. It’s my tragic flaw. I don’t know when it started or why (I’m still working that out in therapy), but I’ve been hyper vigilant and reluctant to say “no” for as long as I can remember. Need to take your dog to the emergency vet at 2 am? I’m there. Feeling overwhelmed by a project? Let me help. Looking for an organ donor? I’m your girl. No matter the time or task, my friends and family know they can rely on me to show up and serve.

But there’s a problem: I’m exhausted. Between checking in on my aging parents, working full-time, attending graduate school, and attempting to do life well as a doting dog mom and supportive friend, I haven’t had much time or energy to explore what else God may be calling me to do. I want to contribute to kingdom work. I want to live with joy while preserving my mental and physical health. But lately, my sore back and troubled mind have led me to question whether I’m genuinely living according to God’s mission of loving my neighbors or setting myself up to be burned out, manipulated, and misused.

But lately, my sore back and troubled mind have led me to question whether I’m genuinely living according to God’s mission of loving my neighbors or setting myself up to be burned out, manipulated, and misused.

Don’t get me wrong, I love looking out for my people. I take great pride in honoring my parents and praying over my peers. Plus, the Bible contains countless scriptures that encourage radical generosity. God calls us to uplift the poor in spirit, share cheerfully, spread love, and carry one another’s burdens. Still, when our loads are full, or when people mistake our kindness for weakness, the Bible also offers advice for advocating for ourselves and establishing relational boundaries, especially in the workplace.

Saying “No” to People-Pleasing

Jacob’s story in the book of Genesis gives us perspective on how to speak up for ourselves when we feel manipulated on the job. Jacob, the younger of Isaac’s twin sons, worked for his uncle Laban in exchange for marrying his daughter. During this time, Jacob cared for Laban’s flocks with divine dignity. However, Laban was a deceitful and greedy employer who tricked Jacob into working an additional seven years, changed his wages ten times, and even pursued him when he tried to leave. Despite Jacob’s best efforts to please Laban, it was never enough. Eventually, Jacob reached his breaking point and confronted Laban, outlining his accomplishments, speaking against Laban’s wrongdoing, and establishing boundaries to protect their family relationship and conclude their work agreement.

Jacob explained to Laban that he had significantly increased Laban’s profits while suffering losses whenever something went wrong. Whether day or night, in the scalding heat or the freezing cold, Jacob worked for Laban in the face of deceit, fluctuating income, and hardship, yet Jacob still maintained his integrity and gave everything he had to his work. So, instead of giving into Laban’s intimidation, succumbing to people-pleasing, and staying in a toxic work environment, Jacob maintained his innocence, used his voice, and walked away from an unhealthy situation.

“Then Jacob became angry and upbraided Laban. Jacob said to Laban, ‘What is my offense? What is my sin, that you have hotly pursued me? These twenty years I have been in your house; I served you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flock, and you have changed my wages ten times. If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had not been on my side, surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed. God saw my affliction and the labor of my hands and rebuked you last night’” (Genesis 31:36,42, NRSV).

This account is truly inspiring. When we find ourselves slipping into people-pleasing behaviors or notice others taking advantage of our willingness to help, it’s refreshing to see that the Bible allows and encourages us to say no. As a man of faith, Jacob’s story empowers readers to remember that everyone deserves to be treated with respect—and that we can speak up for ourselves when something isn’t right.

As a man of faith, Jacob’s story empowers readers to remember that everyone deserves to be treated with respect—and that we can speak up for ourselves when something isn’t right.

Narratives about Boundaries

But society often reinforces narratives that suggest we must remain silent and complicit amid manipulation or abuse. Harvard Business Review reported on a study by a major corporation where more than half of the employees who completed the survey believed they were not safe to speak up at work. Still, in another study reported by the Financial Times, four academics collectively turned down 100 work-related requests without any regrets. While the researchers did routinely feel “guilty and worried about letting others down,” they also felt their “fears of missing out” or suffering reprisals for saying no were unfounded. Saying no benefits our health, although we don’t take advantage of that right as much as we should. By prioritizing our own needs alongside those of others, we create boundaries that allow us to engage more meaningfully in our professional roles. It’s essential to recognize that advocating for ourselves is a sign of strength, not weakness, and can contribute to a culture where open communication and mutual respect thrive.

It’s essential to recognize that advocating for ourselves is a sign of strength, not weakness, and can contribute to a culture where open communication and mutual respect thrive.

In his book When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You, David Hawkins emphasizes that establishing boundaries is not un-Christian. He writes, “Christ Himself often pushed away from the needy crowds so that he could rest, pray, and prepare himself for his ultimate mission.” In Matthew 5:33-38, Jesus even warns us not to overpromise ourselves or push past our limits. Rather than making oaths to please people, Jesus urges us to exercise our free agency to “simply say yes or no.” Hawkins further explains that while God calls us to “consider others above ourselves,” God does not expect us to be workaholics—worn out and depressed due to being overworked..

In An Unhurried Life, Alan Fadling teaches that rest is an act of obedience. By honoring the Sabbath, decentering work as a primary source of our identity, and living at a sustainable pace, we signal to God that we trust him to care for us. As powerful as God created human beings to be, we are still mere mortals. God did not design us to be awake for 24 hours straight, forego food and water, or ignore our limitations. Instead, God created us to reflect the divine image and steward the world with authority, order, and grace. God created the rest for us, understanding that we would inevitably need regular reprieves from our earthly responsibilities to reconnect with him.

Finding a Balance

So, how do we balance honoring our commitments and setting healthy boundaries? The keys are to make our voices heard, lean into God’s rest, and learn to say “no” effectively.

Like Jacob, we all have a breaking point. There’s only so much we can handle before the toll of people-pleasing affects our physical and mental well-being. We must learn to speak up or step back before that happens. A Forbes article by Sho Dewan offers tips for achieving this, including recognizing the value of our time, prioritizing our goals, expressing gratitude, and suggesting alternatives. Dewan stresses that while setting healthy boundaries may appear differently to different people, so long as you’re respectful, honest, and direct, there’s no reason to feel guilty. Navigating the delicate balance between serving others and caring for ourselves is essential for our well-being. While offering help and support to those in need is commendable, we must also recognize our limits and the importance of voicing our concerns.

There’s only so much we can handle before the toll of people-pleasing affects our physical and mental well-being. We must learn to speak up or step back before that happens.

Jacob’s story illustrates the power of advocating for oneself and establishing clear lines for personal and workplace relationships. It reminds us that we do not have to sacrifice our health or peace of mind for the sake of others. Setting boundaries allows us to serve more effectively and meaningfully, ensuring that our generosity stems from a place of strength and joy rather than exhaustion and resentment.