The LOVING Leader: Transforming Relationships at Work

Our success as leaders is deeply tied to how we navigate human relationships. From the toxic boss to the passive-aggressive colleague, and everything in between, work offers us its fair share of relational challenges. Add to this a society suffering from anxiety, poor mental health, and exhaustion, especially as we go further into a digital age that has eroded relational hygiene, we find ourselves unable to connect with others in the way God intended.

First, it is important to name that the root of the relational tension in the workplace is often fear, which researchers call the “most challenging aspect of organization life.” Fear creates unsafe psychological spaces at work. It causes disengagement, decreases productivity, suppresses creativity, and increases turnover. If growth is your organizational goal, allowing the proliferation of fear is antithetical to your objective.

So why don’t we actively dismantle fear in our work contexts? Because workplace dynamics have roots in a “distorted formation,” shaped by historical movements that prioritized efficiency, productivity, and individualism over relational connection. These movements elevated control and competition, severing heart, soul, and mind from work. Capitalism, often driven by power, greed, and dehumanization, has institutionalized fear-based tactics, valuing performance over people and success over employee well-being. This model stands in stark contrast to a biblical vision of work as an expression of love and service.

As a result, we exist in a state of “lovelessness”—which bell hooks asserts is more common than love because too many of us are not sure what we mean when we talk about it or how to express it. Lovelessness perpetuates systems where care and mutual support are absent, making fear and disconnection commonplace. Leaders often become unconscious participants in upholding these systems. In a research study that asked, “What do you fear at work?” 68% of respondents agreed or strongly agreed that the primary source of fear in the workplace is “what my manager thinks of me.” This caused the researchers to identify the improvement of the manager–subordinate relationship as a critical means to reducing instances of fear at work.

Lovelessness perpetuates systems where care and mutual support are absent, making fear and disconnection commonplace.

Another study on employee mental health found that “for almost 70% of people, their manager has more impact on their mental health than their therapist or their doctor—and it’s equal to the impact of their partner.” These findings are troubling and the culpability of leaders is undeniable. Paradoxically, it also empowers managers to position themselves as the first line of defense in dismantling fear and improving employee well-being in the workplace.

A Pattern of Fear

Our faith tradition offers profound insights into the destructive nature of fear within systems and its impact on individuals. Bishop Robert O’Neill draws on the events leading to the crucifixion to illustrate this dynamic: “Pilate fears losing control; religious leaders fear being sidelined; soldiers fear losing face; and the disciples fear suffering.” The devastating event that followed was fueled by a “unity of fear.” How often do we witness this same dynamic—fear begetting fear—playing out in boardrooms and team meetings? O’Neill goes on: “Most alarmingly, it is not a story that simply took place thousands of years ago in a distant and remote region. The same narrative has been played out over and over again throughout human history, and is, even now, being played out in our own time with disastrous consequences.”

This pattern of fear is cause for deep concern and may be hard to accept, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Breaking the cycle begins with acknowledging its existence and taking intentional steps to dismantle it. Wisdom from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. seems to address the resulting cognitive dissonance as “the perennial tension between what we ought to be and what we actually are.” Similarly, Reinhold Niebuhr describes it as the gap between “the ‘isness’ of our being” and “the ‘ought-ness’ of our highest ideals.” O’Neill concludes that “the opposite of love is fear,” affirming that love, rather than fear, must have the final word. This truth holds in the workplace as well. Fear may represent what is, but love calls us toward what ought to be.

Fear may represent what is, but love calls us toward what ought to be.

The answer to the lovelessness and fear that pervades workplace culture is love. The LOVING Leader framework is a purpose-driven, evidence-based model that enables leaders to disrupt a culture of fear and equips them to cultivate relational connection at work, especially with those under their care.

Why Lead with Love?

Love is the nature of God, and as God’s children, it is our nature too. Jesus’ call to love (Matthew 22:37-40) is foundational, not only to our faith but also to human well-being—a truth supported by major world religions, ancient philosophy, and psychology. From Aristotle to Kahlil Gibran, Abraham Maslow to Brené Brown, we know that love is essential to life yet surprisingly absent in leadership theories or workplace culture.

Love may be seen as a soft skill but it is a powerful force. Scripture encourages us that “perfect love casts out fear”(1 John 4:18). Love is therefore the means through which we can disrupt fear in the workplace and cultivate an environment where people thrive. Brian McLaren’s words offer us guidance: “Whatever Christianity was supposed to be, it was supposed to be about love.” As distinctly Christian leaders, McLaren invites us to reimagine systems so they help people become the most loving version of themselves, including work.

The Transformative Power of Love

There is transformational leadership that focuses on empowerment, but love’s nature is such that it goes beyond just accomplishing organizational goals. Love transforms people, culture, and their contexts. Consider Jesus. More than a servant, he was a transformational loving leader and his impact on the people, culture, and systems he encountered is detailed throughout the New Testament. His loving leadership transformed fishermen, a zealot, a despised tax collector, and women all seen by society as sinners into leaders of our faith who turned the world upside down (Acts 17:6). His loving leadership extended beyond his most proximate team of 72 (Luke 10:1) to the masses through a counter-cultural message on flourishing (Matthew 5-7) that liberated the marginalized and the oppressed. He confronted empire, corrupt systems, and rulers offering a new vision that was “all about love” called the kingdom of God on earth.

The transformative power of loving leadership is available to all of us if we so choose. When we lead with love, our actions align with our inherent values, and we remember who we truly are as image bearers of God. As Felicia Murrell says, “When Love transforms our heart, our actions align with the truth of our being.” From my experience, loving leadership unleashes the potential in people, transforms organizational culture, and unlocks the power of the corporate body to deliver incredible results. I’ve witnessed love’s positive impact on individuals, teams, and organizations alike.

When we lead with love, our actions align with our inherent values, and we remember who we truly are as image bearers of God.

Is it possible for a system built on fear to be transformed by love? My experience says YES. Love’s nature is relational and it is what makes us distinctly human. Leadership centered in love reshapes the leader, the context, and the people within it from its “distorted formation,” enabling a renewal that extends beyond that system positively impacting the common good.

The LOVING Leader Framework offers a path toward this reimagination, showing us how to rebuild the marketplace through relationships rooted in trust, care, and love.

The LOVING Leader Framework: A Guide to Leading with Love

The LOVING Leader framework is a purpose-driven, evidence-based model for transformational leadership. Each letter in the word “LOVING” offers us a posture or countercultural way of being that enables us to navigate our contexts.

Here are practical steps for each component:

Listen Deeply: “The first duty of love is to listen” (Tillich). Rebuilding trust, curiosity.

• Challenge: A team member feels unheard or misunderstood.
• Response: Schedule a one-on-one meeting to actively listen without interruption. Use reflective listening to confirm understanding, and ask open-ended questions like, “What do you need most right now?”
• Result: Deep listening builds trust and helps others feel valued.

Open: Hearted, minded. To be changed by others. Creating space for honest dialogue.

• Challenge: Tension among team members leads to miscommunication.
• Response: Facilitate a safe space for dialogue, encouraging honesty without
judgment. Share your own thoughts transparently to model openness.
• Result: Openness promotes mutual understanding and empowers others to express concerns freely. Openness is a pillar of welcome and belonging.

Vulnerable: Leading with courage and empathy.

• Challenge: You need to give difficult feedback or acknowledge a mistake.
• Response: Start with empathy, acknowledging that it may be a tough
conversation. Own mistakes to model vulnerability and ask, “How can we work through this together?”
• Result: Vulnerability fosters psychological safety, builds trust, and strengthens
relationships.

Inner Work: Attuning to one’s interior life, and personal biases.

• Challenge: You feel triggered by a colleague’s behavior.
• Response: Pause and reflect on your emotions before reacting. Pray or journal to identify any biases and engage in self-care to stay grounded.
• Result: Inner work allows thoughtful responses, enabling constructive
interactions rather than impulsive reactions.

Nurture: Building a culture of care and encouragement.

• Challenge: A colleague is struggling with burnout or personal challenges.
• Response: Check in regularly, offering encouragement through affirmations or
small acts of kindness. Create opportunities for team members to support each other. Illuminator
• Result: Nurture fosters a caring environment where people feel supported and
valued.

Gift: Recognizing and activating strengths in others

• Challenge: A team member feels underutilized.
• Response: Identify their strengths and assign meaningful tasks aligned with their talents. Celebrate their contributions publicly to acknowledge their value.
• Result: Recognizing and activating others’ gifts helps individuals find purpose
and meaning in their work.

Conclusion

The systems of fear and relational disconnection we encounter at work can feel inevitable—but they are not. It doesn’t have to be this way. Loving leadership joyfully disrupts the status quo. Through the LOVING Leader Framework, we can consciously shift toward a new way of leading. By dismantling fear, fostering trust and care, and cultivating human connection, leaders can align their work with God’s purpose for human flourishing, transforming not only their organizations but the lives of those in their care. Even their own.

The call to action is clear: love. The LOVING Leader Framework equips leaders to respond to relational challenges with intention, creating environments where creativity and connection replace fear and isolation. Embodying these principles in daily interactions allows distinctly Christian leaders to transform workplace culture from the inside out and invites them to put their faith into practice (Matthew 7:24).

Interested in becoming a part of The LOVING Leader Praxis Community, a cohort of leaders who endeavor to be catalysts in their context? Visit www.thelovingleader.org