Three G’s: From Chaos to Peace Amid Life’s Disruptions

Dr. T. D. Stubblefield is a proud Tennessean. He is my former St. Louis pastor. He would often say, “You never know when you might receive that phone call at 3 o’clock in the morning that will turn your world upside down.” Dr. Stubblefield’s comment can be translated simply: Change and disruption are normal in our abnormal or broken world.

Some life disruptions are huge—like a divorce after twenty-five years or the COVID-19 pandemic. While Artificial Intelligence makes great promises, it has been a disruption much like the introductions of the Model T, laptop, and iPhone were. Other disruptions are minor—like aging (compare your high school picture to your un-doctored social media profile picture). Many life changes or disruptions rudely barge into our carefully scheduled lives unannounced. Sometimes disruptions are caused by the sin of others; sometimes our disruptions occur because of our disobedience.

Many life changes or disruptions rudely barge into our carefully scheduled lives unannounced.

Unfortunately, these life changes do not come alone; they come with a flood of emotions such as fear, stress, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, and being overwhelmed—not only for leaders but also for those they lead. The disruptions of one person’s life unavoidably impacts the lives of many—just consider the collapse of WorldCom, Enron, and E. F. Hutton and the many lives and generations affected.

How is peace ushered in during these often-unscheduled stormy disruptions of life? I would like to suggest three things we can do to participate with Jesus in ushering in peace amid our chaos wrought by change: We should grieve these changes, we should seek group encouragement, and we should trust God, our beloved Father.

Grieve

The American Heritage Dictionary defines “grieve” as “to cause to be sorrowful or distress.” This verb and its synonyms, lament, mourn, and sorry, mean to feel, show, or express grief, sadness, or regret. In other words, it is okay to feel deep sadness over a life change because it denotes a loss. To err is human. To weep is human. To grieve is human. It is okay to grieve the death of a loved one, a divorce, an unexpected job loss. Grieving is very human.

The late Queen Elizabeth II said, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Grieving honors how much you love something or someone. However, remember grief and grieving is not something you can control. My adult daughter puts it this way, “Surprise grief is nasty work—you could be having an otherwise really good day then randomly think of a loved one who passed and it’s instant waterworks.” Substitute “loved one” with an unexpected layoff, a sudden illness, etc. and it’s all the same. We must pay homage to surprise grief.

I lost a job after being employed for only 8 months with a nonprofit. In retrospect, this was not a healthy workplace. However, I grieve the dear relationships cultivated among my five-member team. And because grief does not schedule an appointment on our Outlook calendars, I still grieve those relationships at unexpected moments when I remember. Three of my former five team members have received their “pink slips” recently and they have reached out to me for moral support, which means I re-live my grief.

Professionalism says, “Get over it, put on a stoic poker face, and never show emotion in the workplace.” God, Our Beloved Father, says, “Grieve anywhere and at any time.” Why would our Beloved Father say this? Because we are human everywhere and we take our remembrances of loss everywhere. Robots can be controlled; in contrast, our emotions cannot be controlled and they should not be controlled. As a teenager, I remember being told while attending the funeral of a family member, “Luke, you are the oldest child. Be strong.” Translation? Do not grieve, do not cry. That was bad advice. I am human. I should have been encouraged to grieve, to cry, even after the funeral, and as long as I needed to.

A dear Facebook friend (a professional Christian counselor) posted this about grief…

This is what grief is.
A hole ripped through the very fabric of your being.
The hole eventually heals along the jagged edges that remain. It may even shrink in size.
But that hole will always be there.
A piece of you always missing.
For where there is deep grief, there was great love.
Don’t be ashamed of your grief.
Don’t judge it.
Don’t suppress it.
Don’t rush it.
Rather, acknowledge it.
Lean into it.
Listen to it.
Feel it.
Sit with it.
Sit with the pain. And remember the love.
This is where the healing will begin.

Grieve, brother or sister. It is permissible.

Group

We live in a time where that perennial American worldview of rugged individualism still reigns. Resist the gravitational pull that says, “Go it alone, be tough, be resilient; it is survival of the fittest, baby.” God has not made us to go it alone. Remember what God said before creating Adam’s partner, Eve? It is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). It is not good for us to go it alone. Instead of going it alone, pursue group encouragement—invite others to not only grieve with you but to speak peace and hope into your life.

Instead of going it alone, pursue group encouragement—invite others to not only grieve with you but to speak peace and hope into your life.

As I have mentioned above, that’s what my former team members are doing—I am their group support. I have two such support groups: one is what I call my “board of directors”—a group of five people who not only challenge me but also provide moral support after a sudden life disruption. When I do not remember the truths of Scripture or when it appears God is silent, they speak the truths of Scripture into my ears and heart. How did I find or select the members of this board? When I went silent or MIA, they came searching for me.

Another group is the church. God has so fitted this corporate body, the bride, such that this family of brothers and sisters can give moral support to others whose lives have been upended. Not only by their kind and calming words of hope, but also, and perhaps more importantly, by their ministry of faithful presence. When I see someone at church, I remember their story of disruption and how steady they are now. Our presence can be like a calming balm. During life’s storms or disruptions, do not go it alone. Rather, seek hugs, the faithful presence, and comforting words of your church body and/or a board of directors. And when life’s storms disrupt the life of another fellow brother and sister in Christ, reciprocate and be a faithful presence and supplier of comforting words to them.

God

We live in a broken world where life’s disruptions are guaranteed. Taxes, death, and change are inevitable. But I urge you to trust the one who is immutable, the one who does not change! Remember and exercise your theology. Trust God through the minor and major life changes because God changes not. God alone is the only rock-steady one in our life. He is quite aware of all the changes that have occurred in your life, the changes occurring at this moment, and the changes that will occur. Indeed, changes may catch us off guard; however, God is never taken by surprise. God is Alpha and Omega; the Lord knows our beginning and our end and all the scheduled disruptions in between. Lean on God and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Remember life’s disruptions have a divine and redemptive purpose—through the ups and downs of life—God desires that we mature in character (James 1). Remember, according to the psalmist, we learn God’s word through our afflictions (and disruptions): “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn your statutes” (Psalm 119:71). Disruptions bring us to the feet of Jesus to commune with and to learn from him.

Disruptions bring us to the feet of Jesus to commune with and to learn from him.

Delighting in God’s word gets us through our afflictions: “If Your law had not been my delight, then I would have perished in my affliction” (Psalm 119:92). God’s word sustains us as we trudge through life’s disruptions.

I love these lyrics, of the sweet and calming hymn, Blessed Quietness,

On the stormy sea, He speaks peace to me,
And the billows cease to roll.

Notice the prepositional phrase, ‘on the stormy sea’. We all will spend time on a ‘stormy sea’ precipitated by changes or disruptions. We all will have unsteady moments in this life. No one is exempted from unsteady life moments. These moments might be of short duration or long duration, like my friend who suffered with cancer for thirteen years and yet maintained a rigorous teaching schedule. Disruptions or change is our reality and is unavoidable in this broken world. These unavoidable disruptions remind us that we are not in control.

Disruptions or change is our reality and is unavoidable in this broken world. These unavoidable disruptions remind us that we are not in control.

However, God is still sovereignly ruling and is in control of every detail of our lives. God, the King of Kings, is still on the throne. So, we can confidently cooperate with Jesus in seeking peace so that our billows cease steamrolling in our lives by grieving, seeking group encouragement, and trusting in our God, our dear Father, who changes not. God is our home sweet home; God is our refuge. God is near the brokenhearted. Run to God and climb up into his lap and imagine his warm bear hug. And linger awhile. Let God speak peace to you. The Lord will console you and give you the wisdom on how to navigate your disruptions, because God is good.