Why Did Sarah laugh?

Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.” Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” Genesis 18:10-14, NIV

Recently, I was driving down the street and noticed a man artfully balanced on a skateboard moving swiftly in the bike lane. As he came closer, I was surprised to see that the person on the skateboard was a grown man, not a teenager. What was even more surprising was that he had gray hair and his beard was also gray. He was, well, old! I looked at him as long as it was safe not to have my eyes on the road. Then, before I could stop myself, I said out loud, “What is a man his age doing on a skateboard?” Fortunately, I was alone. Otherwise, I would have been even more embarrassed than I already was. How could I be critical of that man, who was obviously enjoying himself, simply because he was performing an activity that I had unconsciously reserved for a youth? I consider myself a huge advocate for people my age (in the third third of life) to do and be whatever delights them and enriches their lives. I firmly believe that people in the third third should push boundaries and do unexpected things. But I first looked at his age, not his ability.

Then I laughed. Just as Sarah laughed in our opening scripture passage. Sarah was the wife of Abraham who was destined to fulfill God’s promise and become the patriarch of many nations (Genesis 17:4-6). But, they were old and his wife had not given birth to a child. Then God showed up and promised that despite their age, they would have a child. Both Sarah and I laughed with a mixture of disbelief and hope. Sarah, like me, found it hard to believe that old people could step outside of the roles and behaviors assigned by society. That is, old people should not ride skateboards, nor should they have pleasure and together conceive a child.

Sarah, like me, found it hard to believe that old people could step outside of the roles and behaviors assigned by society.

But I suggest that behind the disbelief in Sarah’s laughter was a longing, a small flame of hope that what God said was true and that she and Abraham would, indeed, have pleasure and conceive. Yes, they were old. Yes, they had tried and tried for decades to conceive a child. Yes, their dream seemed to be impossible. But, as God said, “Is anything too hard for God?”

Letting Go of Former Things

I have to remind myself of that question as I pray about and prepare for a new venture—my own “birth” experience. In my previous article I committed to taking the time during Lent to practice centering prayer and daily journal reflections to ask God what is next for me. I had let go of my identity as a mental health counselor, but had no clue what God would offer to replace that self. I felt (and still feel) anxious and uncertain, probably similarly to how Sarah felt. She continued to carry the identity of “the childless one” for decades despite God announcing to Abraham that the two of them would have a child (scripture doesn’t say that Sarah was included in the conversation, though she probably learned of it through pillow-talk!). Sarah’s laughter was evidence of her anxiety about letting go of her long-held identity that no longer fit who she was destined to become. Some researchers say that one reason people laugh is that laughter releases stress and anxiety. And making a huge life change would be a reason for feeling anxious, at least if I was the one creating the change. But old people creating new things is not too hard for God.

Sarah had to let go of the idea that she was too old to fulfill the promise. As long as Sarah held onto her identity of “too old and childless,” she could not see herself as the matriarch of many nations that God promised. She would not have had to grow and redefine herself. We know how hard it is to give up beliefs that challenge who we are and what old people can or cannot do. What limits have you placed on yourself because of your age? So, please don’t judge Sarah harshly when she chooses her maid, Hagar, to sleep with Abraham to fulfill God’s promise. Sarah doubted that at her age she could fulfill the promise and did not see that God was offering her possibilities.

As long as Sarah held onto her identity of “too old and childless,” she could not see herself as the matriarch of many nations that God promised. She would not have had to grow and redefine herself.

God transformed Sarah by not only changing her name, but also by shifting her mind. Perhaps she began to believe that being aligned with God’s will gave her the peace she did not have when she was making her own arrangements. Perhaps she began to let go of her former identity of “childless/not fruitful” and began to believe that she was not too old to be a mother and fulfill her dream.

Despite Sarah’s doubts (and laughter), God promised in Genesis 18 that in a year, Sarah would conceive and have a baby. Why didn’t God allow Sarah to conceive immediately? Why did a God who could do anything need a year to accomplish what normally happens in nine months? Maybe the time in between the promise and the fulfillment is liminal space, an in-between time—an opportunity to let go of some old limiting beliefs and to expand into the new identity that God offers. In the liminal space, between Genesis 17-21, many challenges happened to Sarah and Abraham that changed them and allowed them to deepen their relationship with God. By trusting God more, she and Abraham realized that for God even having a baby in old age was not too hard. (Read Genesis 17-21 for the full story.)

Believing God’s Promise

God is also working on me to transform how I see myself and to increase my faith in him. During Lent I sat in contemplative silence and wrote in my journal, and even while I felt the hope of God’s invitation to a new identity, I also experienced tiny pangs of anxiety and uncertainty. This helped me understand why Sarah laughed. Maybe I am too old to do something new. I know God promises I would be fruitful and flourish in old age (For a helpful insight on being fruitful, read this devotional on Psalm 92:12-15 by Mark Roberts), yet can I really begin a new venture in this third third of my life? Would people laugh at me? My comfort zone was being a counselor. I know how to be a counselor. I could easily work the part-time hours I want and still have a decent income. Why should I give up that former identity that was comfortable, though not joyful, and attempt something new in old age?

Maybe because I have the image of that skateboarder, sailing along with a look of pure joy on his face. His gray hair and beard were not his problem, they were mine. I was giving in to social conventions, rather than trusting God’s promise of “Even in old age they [the righteous] will still produce fruit; they will remain vital and green” (Psalm 92:14). With that promise in mind, I will test new ways of serving. I will imagine myself on a vocational skateboard going unknown places with pleasure, regardless of my age and my fear of the unknown. I will not default to the counselor identity that no longer serves my growth and my future. I will wait for the new thing to be born. Sarah wondered if can people like her and Abraham can have pleasure and give birth. I trust that sometime in the near future, I will be able to look to her story and respond “Yes, we can!” in my own life. Nothing is too hard for God.

With that promise in mind, I will test new ways of serving. I will imagine myself on a vocational skateboard going unknown places with pleasure, regardless of my age and my fear of the unknown.

Then when I laugh, it will not be anxious, doubtful or even embarrassed laughter; but I will laugh with hope and joy knowing God’s promise for me will be fulfilled—though I may have to wait a few “chapters” while God prepares me for my new adventure, just as he did Sarah. But, despite her wait, she did have the final laugh. Their son was named Isaac, which means laughter. “Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised” (Genesis 21:1).