Yearning for Purpose in the Third Third of Life

I just finished a phone call with a man in Florida I’ll call Dave. He and I have never met, but he reached out to talk with me. Why did Dave call? Because he’s looking for purpose in the third third of life! A mutual friend told him I might be able to help him with this quest.

Dave called me a day or two ago. Of course, we missed each other a couple of times, leaving messages back and forth. Finally, we connected and had an engaging conversation about Dave’s yearning for purpose in his new season of retirement.

I’ve heard a version of Dave’s story dozens of times. His details are unique, of course. He recently sold his business and retired to central Florida. He has an active, full, delightful life. In fact, Dave and his wife are heading off to Europe tomorrow for a multi-day bike trip. He loves the church where he worships and is glad to help with various ministries. One might say he has the perfect retirement life.

Dave wonders if he should be more satisfied with his “perfect” life. But he has a nagging feeling that won’t go away. Despite all the blessings in his life, Dave desires more. He doesn’t seek more for himself so much as for others, for his neighbors, his church, and the wider world. He is eager to make a difference that matters, to participate in God’s work somehow. But he isn’t sure what exactly he might do and how to figure out what this should be. Dave is looking for purpose. Actually, he’s not just looking. He’s yearning for purpose. That’s why he called me.

I use the verb “yearn” to convey the intensity of the longing that Dave and so many older adults feel when it comes to purpose in life. Other verbs would work as well, including “ache, covet, desire, hanker, long, pant, pine, want, wish” (see Roget’s II: The New Thesaurus, 3rd edition). Yes, some people are simply looking for purpose. They’re open, but not especially eager. But millions upon millions are yearning for purpose in life. They’re aching, coveting, desiring, hankering, longing, panting, pining, wanting, and wishing for purpose. I think you get the point.

Yes, some people are simply looking for purpose. They’re open, but not especially eager. But millions upon millions are yearning for purpose in life.

Why Do We Yearn for Purpose?

Why do we yearn for purpose? Why is this not just some minor desire, but rather something we desire passionately?

There’s an obvious partial answer to this question. We yearn for purpose because many of us find that when we get older our sense of purpose in life dims or even disappears. There is ample scientific evidence for this. Professor Martin Pinquart examined 70 academic studies of purpose in life in middle and old age. He summarized his findings thus: “In sum, we found an age-associated decline of purpose in life, which became stronger in older groups” (p. 103). An article in Psychology Today confirms Pinquart’s findings with this unsettling title, “The Pernicious Decline in Purpose in Life with Old Age.” Not just decline, but pernicious decline. Yikes!

There are many reasons for this decline. For example, when we were younger, it’s likely that our purpose was focused on our work and/or our family. We wanted to do good work that contributed to the world and provided income for living. If we had children, we wanted to raise them to be responsible, loving, faithful, and contributing members of society. As Christians, we believed that doing good work and raising good children were central to God’s purpose for us. They were major ways in which we fulfilled God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply, to fill and govern the earth” (Gen 1:28).

But then the time came for us to retire, to stop doing the good work that was essential to our purpose. Moreover, the children who once filled our sense of purpose grew up and flew the coop. Yes, sometimes they do return, but now as adults with their own purpose in life, not so much as youngsters we need to form as purposeful adults. So, the main ways in which we once lived out our purpose in life are no longer available to us. We can feel purposeless because, in a sense, we are. We can wonder, as many have actually said to me, “Why should I get out of bed in the morning?”

Besides our personal struggles with purpose, there are the pervasive ageist messages we hear from our culture. We’re told in many ways that we, as older adults, have outlived our purpose. At best, we are in a season of life where our purpose is relaxation, recreation, and roaming. Our purpose is to enjoy life as we rest and play. At worst, our ageist culture says we are a “silver tsunami” that is flooding the world with needs the world can’t begin to meet. You rarely hear in popular culture a vision of older people living with purpose, making a meaningful, positive difference in the world. Plus, I’m sad to say, you rarely hear this in church, either.

Yet, as we get older, when obvious sources of purpose evaporate and our culture tells us we don’t have much purpose anymore, we nevertheless feel that something significant is missing in our lives. We sense that we aren’t done making a difference that matters. We may welcome rest and recreation, but that’s not enough for us. We want to contribute to the world. We want to give to others. We want to leave this world better than we found it. Our inborn generativity (desire to contribute to future generations) combined with the urgent needs in the world around us give us, not just a desire for purpose, but a strong yearning.

As human beings, we are genetically wired to live with purpose, even as we get older. As beings created in the image of God, we are also spiritually wired to live with purpose as we age. God created us to make a meaningful difference in the world (see Gen 1:28, 2:15). God saved us through Jesus Christ not only for our eternal benefit, but also so that we might share in God’s work in this world (Matt 28:18-20; John 15:4-8; Eph 1:11-14; 2:8-10; 4:15-16). Thus, our yearning for purpose comes both from our DNA and from the stirring of God’s Spirit within us. If we try to ignore it, we might succeed for a while, but in time our longing for purpose in life will come flooding back.

As human beings, we are genetically wired to live with purpose, even as we get older. As beings created in the image of God, we are also spiritually wired to live with purpose as we age.

How Can I Find the Purpose for Which I Am Yearning?

I know people who have a strong, clear sense of purpose for the third third of their lives. For some, this has come intuitively or perhaps as a gift from the Holy Spirit. They just know what they’re supposed to do in this season of life.

Then there are the rest of us. We represent, in my experience, the vast majority of third thirders. We may have some sense of purpose, but are yearning for more clarity, more direction, and more enthusiasm. We don’t want only a reason to get up in the morning. We want something that motivates and inspires us to get up and get going.

We don’t want only a reason to get up in the morning. We want something that motivates and inspires us to get up and get going.

If you can relate to what I’m saying here, then I have good news for you. First, God does have a purpose for your life, a purpose that reflects God’s own purpose for all things. In fact, God is calling you to share in this purpose according to God’s own plan and purpose for your life (Rom 8:28). In God’s way and time, God will make this purpose known to you so that you might receive it, clarify it, craft it, and live it.

As you probably anticipate, I have lots of ideas about how God does this work of helping us know and live our purpose in life. I’ve done lots of research, writing, and speaking on this topic during the past five years. I’ve coached several people as they seek to discern their purpose. Moreover, I’ve gathered all that I have learned into a course now offered by the De Pree Center. It’s called, appropriately enough, Purpose in the Third Third of Life. I created this course for all of us in the third third, but especially for those who, like my new friend Dave in Florida, are yearning for purpose.

You can learn more about or purchase the Purpose Course from this page on the De Pree Center website. As the designer of this course, I am rather biased in its favor. But, during the past five years, I have repeatedly seen how the content of this course really helps folks get clear on their purpose. The course represents, not just my hunches based on Scripture and science, but tested results from many early prototypes.

If you want to get a sense of what’s in this course, you can check out ten articles I wrote on the subject: Clarifying Your Purpose in the Third Third of Life. These articles reflect the initial research I did while building the Purpose Course. They aren’t exactly the same as the content of the course, which reflects additional research, prototyping, and contemplation. The articles will help you not only know more about the course, but also begin to work on clarifying your purpose in the third third of life.