Practicing Genuine Wisdom in Conflict

Scripture — James 3:13-18 (NRSV)

Who is wise and knowledgeable among you? Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not be arrogant and lie about the truth. This is not wisdom that comes down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, devilish. For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and wickedness of every kind. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Devotion

Jesus Washing Peter’s Feet by Ford Maddox Brown

In yesterday’s reflection, we discussed how to discern genuine wisdom (“the wisdom from above”) from its counterfeit. How might we practice that kind of wisdom in the conflicted church and world where we find ourselves?

Here are four practical suggestions:

First, in the midst of conflict, remember to value the person and the relationship. James suggests that the wisdom from above is demonstrated by being “peaceable” with others. To begin with, being peaceable means being willing to invest in our relationship with others, even when that is painful or difficult. James doubly emphasizes this need for investment by saying that wisdom is “sown in peace by those who make peace.” As Jesus says in the Beatitudes, remember who you are: children of God who are called to be peacemakers.

But peace is not necessarily or only the absence of conflict. The biblical word for peace is shalom, which describes a state of mutual flourishing. Simply avoiding conflict is not enough. We are to seek others’ well-being as well as our own. And that begins by valuing the person and the relationship.

However, that can be difficult when there is a perceived injustice in the relationship. Many of the conflicts we face today, resulting from the effects of racism, gender inequality, and the treatment of immigrants, have issues of injustice embedded in the conflict. How can we be peaceable when injustice is involved?

That’s a challenging and complex question that requires considerable wrestling to answer. However, there are two starting points that I find helpful.

For one, if we are working for justice, we need to be careful not to become like the enemy whose injustice we are trying to undo. As the apostle Paul said in his letter to Rome: “Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

For another, even though figuring out how to overcome evil with good is often complicated, a great place to start is by praying for your enemies, as Jesus himself taught. One of the gifts of prayer is that we can express all our frustration and anger about injustice to God without acting on our frustration and anger with others. That allows God time to absorb, channel, and transform our anger and frustration into a redemptive response rather than simply making things worse.

Second, act with “gentleness” (or, as other translations have it, with “humility”) towards the other. I have to admit that when I’m offended, I am tempted to respond in kind, and that response is rarely gentle or humble. Acting with gentleness towards others who have become my adversaries is not exactly in my sweet spot!

And that’s true even with those who are not my immediate adversaries. In a polarized environment, anybody not on our side is viewed with suspicion. So, why should we be gentle and humble with them?

Well, I can suggest at least three reasons: (a) Remember we don’t know everything about them (we are finite creatures after all, and we are not God), (b) We could be wrong about them (we are not only finite but we are also fallen creatures so our picture of them might be distorted), and (c) People are just plain complicated creatures! It’s easy to misunderstand them and to be misunderstood by them. That’s why gentleness and humility are so important.

One story will illustrate my point.

My friend Rich Mouw was formerly President of Fuller Seminary in Pasadena. Rich is known as a passionate advocate for historical Christianity. To the surprise of many and the dismay of some, he opened a serious dialogue with the Mormon church during his tenure as President of Fuller.

Rich developed relationships with leaders in the Mormon theological community at Brigham Young University. To build that relationship, they hosted an event at BYU where Rich and some of his PhD students from Fuller met with their counterparts from Brigham Young.

At a joint chapel event, a New Testament professor from BYU preached a sermon from Paul’s letter to the Galatians. Rich commented afterward how surprisingly orthodox that sermon was in content and one that any Christian pastor could have preached. One of his students turned to one of the Brigham Young students and said, “I didn’t know that Mormons believed this about the Bible.” And the BYU student responded, “I didn’t either!”

Everyone can be surprised by what we learn about others (not to mention ourselves!) when we get to know and understand each other. Of course, Rich would be the first to say that serious theological differences remain between orthodox Christian and Mormon beliefs. And yet, there are places, some of them surprising to both sides, where agreement is possible. But it took humility and the associated risks to find common ground.

So, act with gentleness and humility towards others. You may be surprised by what you learn in the process.

Third, be willing to disagree and to be disagreed with. 

The final word in James’ list of the characteristics of the wisdom from above is that we should act “without hypocrisy.” That means, among other things, that we shouldn’t pretend to agree when we don’t. Gentleness and humility don’t mean we simply “go along to get along.” While we should always be open to seeing another’s point of view, we needn’t – and shouldn’t – give up our convictions without good reason. Another way to say that is that we should be open to persuasion but not necessarily be easily persuaded. That’s especially important when long-held and deep convictions are at stake. And that includes things like what the wider church has understood about the teachings of Scripture.

Now, I would hasten to add that our long and deeply held convictions, not to mention the church’s understanding of Scripture, have been wrong on occasion. Notable in that regard are the church’s historic positions on slavery and the role of women in the church.

When I first started to serve in leadership at my local Presbyterian congregation in the 1970s, the role of women in leadership was a vital issue. The historic consensus up to that point had been that women couldn’t serve as pastors or elders. However, both within the church and within broader society, the perception of the role of women changed. After considerable discussion, debate, and some ongoing dissent, our denomination and congregation instituted the practice of ordaining women to leadership roles. Not everyone agreed, and some left. But others stayed, even some who continued to disagree.

Those who stayed continued to love those who disagreed. And that’s not because we took the truths we disagreed about lightly. Instead, we took both the truth and our own limitations seriously. As Steve Hayner, former President of Intervarsity Fellowship, once said: “I believe in objective truth, but I hold lightly my ability to perceive it.” That seems exactly the right posture for those of us who seek to be wise.

To do that well, we must be gentle and humble towards others and still honor the truth as we understand it ourselves. In the words of the Apostle Paul, “Let those of us, then, who are mature think this way, and if you think differently about anything, this, too, God will reveal to you. Only let us hold fast to what we have attained” (Philippians, 3:15-16).

We do not need to agree to love (or be loved by) the person we disagree with. But we do need to be generous and hospitable towards them and to try and see their point of view. As my earlier story about Rich Mouw and his dialogue with the Mormon Church illustrates, we can disagree and be disagreed with about important matters while exhibiting gentleness and humility toward one another. At the same time, we continue to look for common ground we can both affirm.

Fourth, perhaps paradoxically, learn how “to care and not to care.”

As I said at the start, we need to care about the person and the relationship. How we treat the other person is how we treat Jesus. And that means whether we are a Republican, a Democrat, or someone who thinks they’re above the fray, how we treat those who don’t share our convictions is the real test of our wisdom.

However, as we seek to care for others, we need to learn not to care about trying to convince everyone who disagrees with us. Wisdom in conflict means recognizing that not everyone is ready for dialogue. Our job isn’t to dialogue with everyone, much less to persuade everyone. Our job is to look for willing conversation partners. Serious dialogue requires willing partners on both sides. It takes two to tango. Sometimes, the best we can do is to be civil and courteous with those who disagree with us rather than engage them in an unwanted debate.

What matters most – and by now, you have heard this from me several times – is caring about the person and the relationship. Try as best you can to understand the other, and when you have an opportunity, to be understood by them in return. I think that’s what the Apostle Paul meant when he said, “If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18).

So, what is our hope in all of this?

There is an aspect of being wise that leads to suffering. Our attempts to reach out to others who disagree, to understand them, can be rebuffed and rejected. Our attempts to love others can be abused by others. But Jesus told us that would be the case. That’s not a reason not to care, even if we need to be shrewd as serpents in how we do that in practice.

Our hope – as seen in the resurrection and ascension of Jesus – is that the wisdom from above will ultimately prevail. The meek will inherit the earth despite the proud and arrogant having their day. The gentle and humble will inherit the new creation, not the arrogant and the proud. God will wipe away every tear and make everything right (and more). As J. R. R. Tolkien once wrote, “Everything sad will come untrue.” Our labors are not in vain. It’s worth following the wisdom from above now, even if we see few results in the meantime.

God takes the long view. So should we.

Find all Life for Leaders devotions here. Explore what the Bible has to say about work at the unique website of our partners, the Theology of Work Project. Reflection on today’s Life for Leaders theme can be found here: Specific Behavioral Principles to Guide Moral Discernment (Romans 12:9–21).