The Challenge of Communication

Scripture — Nehemiah 2:11-16 (NRSV)

So I came to Jerusalem and was there for three days. Then I got up during the night, I and a few men with me; I told no one what my God had put into my heart to do for Jerusalem. The only animal I took was the animal I rode. I went out by night by the Valley Gate past the Dragon’s Spring and to the Dung Gate, and I inspected the walls of Jerusalem that had been broken down and its gates that had been destroyed by fire. Then I went on to the Fountain Gate and to the King’s Pool; but there was no place for the animal I was riding to continue. So I went up by way of the valley by night and inspected the wall. Then I turned back and entered by the Valley Gate, and so returned. The officials did not know where I had gone or what I was doing; I had not yet told the Jews, the priests, the nobles, the officials, and the rest that were to do the work.

Devotion

In January 2007, I was serving as the senior pastor of Irvine Presbyterian Church in Southern California. I had been in that role for almost sixteen years and believed I would remain there until I retired. But then, unexpectedly, I started having conversations with the leaders of Laity Lodge, part of the H.E. Butt Foundation in Texas. One thing led to another so that, in July 2007, I felt God calling me to leave my church in Irvine and join the ministry of Laity Lodge.

Though I felt excited about what lay ahead, I was confused about how to relate to the members of my church. In many ways, they were like an extended family to me and my own family. I had always made an effort to communicate openly about what God was doing in my life. But all of a sudden, I was confused. When and how, I wondered, should I let my church know about my conversations with Laity Lodge? How should I tell them I was leaving?

I sought wisdom from a couple of mature pastors. Early in my process with Laity Lodge, they strongly encouraged me to keep quiet about what was going on. They encouraged me not to share my sense of God’s changing calling even with my closest colleagues and friends in the church. On the one hand, what they said made sense to me. On the other, it seemed wrong, and it was inconsistent with the way I usually functioned in relationships. Yet I chose to take their advice and I’m glad I did.

As you may know, in the end, I did leave my church and join the ministry of Laity Lodge. The timing of my communication with church leaders and congregants was carefully laid out with guidance from a wise mentor. Though I had a few awkward conversations with church members who felt as if I was abandoning them, when I look back on my communication, I recognize the wisdom in keeping quiet about my plans until the right moment.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Nehemiah would have agreed with those who encouraged me not to be open about my plans too early. This suspicion is based on a passage in the second chapter of Nehemiah. When he finally arrived in Jerusalem after his long trip from Persia, Nehemiah didn’t make a public announcement of his intentions, even though he had authorization from the king. Rather, he got up in the night and made a clandestine examination of the broken walls of Jerusalem. After his nighttime spy adventure, Nehemiah explains, “The officials did not know where I had gone or what I was doing; I had not yet told the Jews, the priests, the nobles, the officials, and the rest that were to do the work” (2:16).

Why did Nehemiah keep his plans secret at first? Apparently, he knew that the timing wasn’t right for an immediate announcement. I wonder if he understood that it was necessary to see with his own eyes the scope of the problem before he proposed a solution. His credibility might be questioned if people thought he didn’t know what a giant task he was taking on.

The timing and content of communication can be a tricky relational challenge in many situations. If we speak too quickly, we may not have had time to prepare people for what we’re saying. If we hold back too long, we run the risk of people feeling that we’re sneaky and untrustworthy.

So, how can we know how and when to communicate, especially when the content of our communication is difficult or uncomfortable? I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. But what I do believe is that when faced with challenging situations, we need God’s wisdom more than anything else. How can we find God’s wisdom? First, we have the teachings and examples found in Scripture, such as what Nehemiah did in chapter 2. Second, we have an open channel with God. We who lead need to develop practices of prayer that enable us to be fully honest with God even as we learn to listen to the still, small voice of the Spirit. Third, we have the community of God’s people there to help us. Nehemiah, far from home, didn’t have easy access to a trusted group of advisors. But we who are members of the body of Christ do.

So, to finish the story with which I began, back when I was struggling with how to share with my church family what God was doing in my life, I found mature wisdom from a fellow pastor named Steve. He had worked with many pastors in transition and their churches. When I first laid out my communication plan to Steve, he graciously but directly shared some concerns he had about what I proposed to do. He told me about other situations where pastors had communicated too early, to the detriment of both pastor and church. He also warned me about staying too long in my pastoral role after I had made my announcement, something I had been planning to do. In the end, I was deeply grateful for Steve’s counsel, which I followed to a T. Though it was still emotionally difficult for me to leave the congregation I loved, Steve helped me make this transition in a healthy, respectful, and holy way.

How and when we communicate, especially about difficult things, is surely a major relational challenge. We will tackle this challenge wisely when we don’t act in haste, when we prepare our communication carefully, when we seek God’s guidance faithfully, and when we are willing to learn from godly people in our lives.

Find all Life for Leaders devotions here. Explore what the Bible has to say about work at the unique website of our partners, the Theology of Work Project. Reflection on today’s Life for Leaders theme can be found here: Authentic Communication Requires Truthtelling .