The Challenge of Displeasing People as You Lead

Scripture — Nehemiah 2:9-10 (NRSV)

Then I came to the governors of the province Beyond the River, and gave them the king’s letters. Now the king had sent officers of the army and cavalry with me. When Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the Ammonite official heard this, it displeased them greatly that someone had come to seek the welfare of the people of Israel.

Devotion

Last week we saw that Nehemiah took a risky path by allowing his boss, Artaxerxes, the king of Persia, to observe Nehemiah’s sadness over the sorry condition of Jerusalem and its people (2:1-3). When the king asked about Nehemiah’s unhappiness, he prayed quickly and asked for the king’s blessing to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem (2:5). When the king approved this unusual request, Nehemiah asked for royal letters that would allow him to travel to Jerusalem and get the materials he needed for the rebuilding project. When the king responded favorably, Nehemiah observed that “the gracious hand of my God was upon me” (2:8).

But even with the king’s permission, Nehemiah’s mission faced strong opposition. In particular, when two officials in the region of Judah heard what Nehemiah had planned, “it displeased them greatly that someone had come to seek the welfare of the people of Israel” (2:10). In time, these two officials, Sanballat and Tobiah, instigated a variety of schemes that were intended to prevent Nehemiah from overseeing the rebuilding of the wall in Jerusalem.

What Nehemiah experienced as a leader is something we can expect to face when we exercise leadership that encourages people and institutions to change. One of the most common relational challenges for leaders has to do with the unhappiness of people who will be impacted by the change we’re advocating. In their book Leadership on the Line, Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky observe,

Learning to take the heat and receive people’s anger in a way that does not undermine your initiative is one of the toughest tasks of leadership. When you ask people to make changes and even sacrifices, it’s almost inevitable that you will frustrate some of your closest colleagues and supporters, not to mention those outside your faction. Your allies want you to calm things down, at least for them, rather than stir things up. As they put pressure on you to back away, drop the issue, or change the behavior that upsets them, you will feel the heat, uncomfortably. In this sense, exercising leadership might be understood as disappointing people at a rate they can absorb (p. 141).

That last line is often quoted and for good reason. “Exercising leadership might be understood as disappointing people at a rate they can absorb” tells the truth, a truth those of us in leadership might rather not hear or encounter. But we mustn’t be surprised when our efforts to bring about change, even change we believe to be both necessary and beneficial, engender disappointment and displeasure.

In the case of Sanballat and Tobiah, they rightly understood that Nehemiah’s mission would, if successful, weaken their dominance over Judah. Thus, they were more than just disappointed in his leadership. They were greatly displeased and therefore prepared to oppose Nehemiah in a variety of ways.

If you’re someone who values the approval of people, especially the people entrusted to your care as a leader, you no doubt struggle when people are disappointed or displeased with you. When I became the new senior pastor of Irvine Presbyterian Church at the relatively young age of 34, my congregation had high hopes for my leadership. They expected that I would quickly enable the church to flourish. What they did not expect is that I believed the flourishing of the church required substantial change in some key areas. What seemed obviously right to me, however, did not seem right to many core members of the church. Some were openly critical. Some sought to undermine my authority. Some left the church altogether, making sure we knew of their displeasure. At that time, I had never heard of the idea that leadership is “disappointing people at a rate they can absorb.” I struggled with people’s displeasure with me and questioned my abilities as a leader.

Today, with many years of leadership under my belt, I am all too familiar with the “disappointing people” reality. I admit that I don’t like it. But I recognize that it is something leaders will inevitably face, especially when they are encouraging change in their organization.

In future devotions, we’ll see how Nehemiah dealt with those whom he displeased and who opposed his leadership. For now, I want simply to note that disappointing and displeasing people is one of the most common and, in fact, necessary relational challenges of leadership. Knowing this can help us to be prepared when we encounter people’s unhappiness. It can encourage us to become more resilient as leaders. It can also challenge us to think deeply about how people are responding to our leadership and get input from wise counselors. After all, some of what we do that displeases people may very well be things we ought not to do. Even the best leaders aren’t always right, of course.

But wise leaders know that they will displease people sometimes. They’ll have developed sufficient emotional resilience to hang in there, while at the same time being open to learning where their leadership might be lacking. Wise leaders will also know how to treat those who are not supporting them. They’ll know when to exercise more empathy, when to walk the second mile, when to remain resolute, when to persuade, and when to be persuaded. They will know not to take opposition to their leadership personally when it’s more about resistance to change than anything else. None of this is easy. But if we know that displeasure is coming, we can be ready to deal with it wisely, graciously, firmly, and in a way that honors our Lord (who, by the way, knew what it was like to disappoint and displease those he came to serve).

Find all Life for Leaders devotions here. Explore what the Bible has to say about work at the unique website of our partners, the Theology of Work Project’s online commentary. Reflection on today’s Life for Leaders theme can be found here: Facing Opposition at Work (Devotional) .