The Challenge of Relating to a Boss

Scripture — Nehemiah 1:11 (NRSV)

“O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name. Give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man!”

At the time, I was cupbearer to the king.

Devotion

Perhaps one of the most challenging workplace relationships is the one between a boss and a direct report. The challenging dimensions of this relationship are many. Of course, there is the obvious challenge that comes if you have a bad boss—one who leads poorly, treats people poorly, or both. But even if you have a wonderful boss, your relationship with that person will be challenging. In fact, that’s how it should be because the best bosses will intentionally challenge their direct reports with assignments that help them grow. A good boss will be a challenging boss.

Nehemiah experienced many of the challenges associated with having a boss. In Nehemiah 1:11 he explains that he was “cupbearer to the king.” We immediately understand one crucial dimension of his relationship with his boss. The king for whom Nehemiah worked had absolute authority over Nehemiah, not just his work, but his entire life. If, for example, Nehemiah wanted to go to Jerusalem to help his suffering people, he couldn’t just quit his job and move. That sort of behavior could lead to imprisonment or even worse. Whatever Nehemiah wanted to do with his life, he needed the king’s blessing.

As cupbearer to the king, Nehemiah chose, tasted, and served wine to the king. But the role of cupbearer wasn’t that of a lowly servant. In the ancient world, the position of cupbearer was a prestigious and honored one. The cupbearer often shared a cordial relationship with the king and could be a person of considerable influence in the royal court, a chief advisor of sorts.

Therefore, the relationship between cupbearer and king could be a tricky one because of its mixed dimensions. Yes, the relational hierarchy was clear. Yet there could also be an unusual kind of intimacy between king and cupbearer. We’ll get a sense of this as we continue reading in Nehemiah. The relationship between the king and Nehemiah had mixed and potentially confusing dimensions.

You may have experienced something like this in your work life, especially if you’ve had a boss who was something more than an authority figure, perhaps a mentor, a friend, or even a family member. In my first experience as a boss in a church setting, I had five direct reports. One was my best friend, and one was my mother. No joke! Most of the time we worked well together in a collegial way. But there were times I had to “put on my boss hat,” perhaps to say “no” to a request, point out behavior that needed improvement, or give an annual performance review. These were challenging experiences both for me and for the people I supervised with whom I had such close personal relationships. When I moved on to another church, I was honestly quite glad to return to simpler and clearer relationships with my mom and my best friend. (By the way, jump ahead 25 years and the best friend whom I once supervised became my boss at Fuller Seminary.)

Though you and I don’t work for bosses with absolute royal authority anymore (though some bosses forget this!), we do face the challenge of working with and working for someone who can direct our work, reward it, or even end it. Nehemiah’s example reminds us of how important it is to honor the authority of the one to whom we report. Yet his prayer in verse 11 also underscores the fact that our boss does not possess ultimate authority. That belongs to God. Thus, Nehemiah asks the Lord, “Give success to your servant today, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man.” God has the ultimate authority to guide the king so that Nehemiah is successful in what he seeks.

No matter what’s going on between us and our boss, praying for our boss is always a good idea. Yes, we can follow Nehemiah’s example and ask the Lord to give us success with our boss. Nehemiah did this before presenting to the king a personal and unusual request. He also did it “on the spot,” as it were. We’ll see in chapter 2 that Nehemiah offered a quick, silent prayer to God in the middle of his conversation with the king, right before he presented his request.

Throughout my work life, one of the hardest things for me has been freely and graciously following a boss’s directives when they run counter to my own preferences. When, for example, my boss says “no” to something I really want to do, I can feel hurt, angry, misunderstood, unsupported, resentful, and, well, you name it. These are times when I must pray. I need to be honest with God about all that I’m thinking and feeling. I need God to manifest the fruit of the Spirit in me, especially joy, peace, patience, faithfulness, and self-control (Gal 5:22-23). Plus, though we don’t see this happening in Nehemiah, I usually need to sort things out with at least one wise friend or my spiritual director.

Let me close by saying that our relationship with our boss can be one of the most rewarding and valuable relationships we have in work and life. But even in the best of circumstances, the relationship between a boss and a direct report will be challenging. For this reason, we need God’s wisdom, guidance, and help, so that we might relate to our boss in a way that is beneficial and that honors our ultimate Boss, the Lord.

Find all Life for Leaders devotions here. Explore what the Bible has to say about work at the unique website of our partners, the Theology of Work Project. Reflection on today’s Life for Leaders theme can be found here: Speaking Up When You’re Not the Boss