Weeping Together

Scripture — Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Devotion

In last Thursday’s Life for Leaders devotion, we focused on the first part of Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice.” Today we examine the second part of that verse, “weep with those who weep.”

I grew up in a Christian family that believed in the inspiration of Scripture. We affirmed the Bible as God’s word, the authoritative source of both truth and guidance for living. If the Bible told us to do something, we believed we should do it. . . except when it came to Romans 12:15.

Not that anyone in my family ever told me to disregard this verse, mind you. Rather, it was our practice that gave away our inclinations. We were quite fine with the “Rejoice with those who rejoice” part. We liked doing this. But we resisted the “weep with those who weep” imperative. We didn’t do this much at all that I can remember. Moreover, I cannot tell you how many times during my youthful years when someone in my family was sad I was instructed to “cheer them up!” Cheering up meant distracting them, telling them happy things, or doing anything to stop them from being sad. Never in my life was I encouraged to weep with a family member who was weeping.

My mom, however, was a deeply empathetic person who, by nature was wired to weep with those who weep. When she did this, which happened often, how did the rest respond? I’m embarrassed to admit that we usually made fun of my mom, accusing her of being a crybaby and things like that.

My family may have been extreme in our allergy to sadness, but I know many other Christians who have shared our peculiar resistance to sorrow. We have taken biblical imperatives like “Rejoice in the Lord” and assumed they imply that sadness is wrong. We have not seen the frequent lamentations of the Psalms as models for appropriate grief. Most ironically and unfortunately, we have ignored the striking example of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, who, by the way, did not want his disciples to cheer him up. Rather, he wanted their company in his sorrow.

As I reflect on my experience growing up, I think my family was afraid of sadness. We feared that if somebody was weeping and we wept with them, we would both be dragged down into a bottomless pit of sorrow. We did not understand that grief is a necessary part of healing after one has experienced a loss. We did not know that God wouldn’t leave us forever in our sadness, but rather would join us in our sorrow as part of divine comfort and healing.

After many years of experience with grief, not to mention many hours of therapy, I am now less afraid of sadness. Moreover, I take seriously and literally what it says in Romans 12:15, “weep with those who weep.” I no longer feel the burden of cheering up people who are sad. By God’s grace, I am able to be with them in their sorrow and even to weep when they are weeping.

As I have wandered into this unknown land of empathy, I have discovered that sharing with others in their sadness is actually one of the most wonderful ways of “not doing it alone.” When we share in grief together, our hearts are open to each other in a new way. Our souls are bound together more deeply than they were before. We feel the profound togetherness that is unique to the experience of shared sorrow. Thus, weeping with those who weep is not only a way of obeying the imperative of Romans 12:15. It is also a way to experience deeper, truer, and more lasting fellowship in Christ.

Now, I do need to add something more about what can keep us from weeping with those who weep. Often the limitation is on the side of the person who should be doing the empathetic weeping. But, in my experience, sometimes the problem lies with the weeping person. Many people are reticent to share with others when they are sad. Perhaps they fear the intimacy of sharing their suffering with others. Perhaps they feel guilty because they are not joyful enough. Perhaps they were raised in families like mine, in which sadness was to be kept to oneself. Whatever the reason for their reticence, however, Romans 12:15 strongly encourages us to share our weeping with others. When we fail to do this, then our Christian sisters and brothers aren’t able to obey Romans 12:15 and weep with us. And we miss out on one of the most precious experiences of sharing life with other people.

Romans 12:15 urges us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” This verse encourages us to share all of life with our sisters and brothers in Christ. When wonderful things happen in our lives, we need to let others know. And when sad things come upon us, we need to share them as well. As we do, we will experience the extraordinary unity we have in Christ, a unity that is not just theologically essential, but also experientially heartfelt and transformational.

Banner image by Ben White on Unsplash.

Find all Life for Leaders devotions here. Explore what the Bible has to say about work at the High Calling archive, hosted by the unique website of our partners, the Theology of Work Project. Reflection on today’s Life for Leaders theme can be found here: Don’t Go It Alone.

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