A Discerning, Listening Heart

If You Had One Wish

When I was young, my friends and I would sometimes engage in imaginative conversations that involved significant decisions. Sometimes they were rather grisly, like, “If you had to lose an arm or a leg, which would you choose?” (Ouch!) At other times, however, our conversations were more edifying. One popular one went something like this: “If a genie appeared to you and said he would fulfill one wish, what would you ask for?” After a while, we added that you can’t simply ask for more wishes. Too many of us were trying to cheat at this game.

Once we stopped fooling around, however, we had to do some serious thinking. If we really could have one and only one of our wishes fulfilled, what would we ask of the genie? Given our season of life, sometimes we would ask for a relationship with a girl we were particularly fond of. Perhaps we were eager for success in school or admission to a favorite college. Wealth, fame, and athletic prowess were never too far from our consciousness when considering what we wanted from the genie.

Solomon’s One Wish

As someone who grew up learning about the Bible, I knew one “right answer” to the single wish question. I remembered the conversation that God, much bigger and more powerful than a genie, had with Solomon in 1 Kings 3. You may recall that well-known Bible story. I’ll supply a few details here.

After King David died, one of his sons, Solomon, became the new king of Israel. God appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you” (1 Kings 3:5, NIV). Solomon responded,

“Now, LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. . . . So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?” (3:7-9).

The Lord, pleased with Solomon’s answer, said:

“Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have you asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be” (3:11-12).

Thus, God gave Solomon the “discerning heart” he had requested so that he might govern justly. As a bonus, God promised to bless Solomon with wealth and honor. (And, for the record, God did not promise Solomon seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines [11:3]. Solomon’s decision to be grossly polyamorous was not a result of his discerning heart, but his all-too-human inclination to sin.)

What is a Discerning Heart?

The phrase “discerning heart” is unusual. It shows up three times in the NIV translation of the Old Testament (1 Kings 3:9, 12; Prov 15:14). Other English translations prefer phrases like “understanding mind” (NRSV, ESV) or “discerning mind” (CEB). The Hebrew original in 1 Kings 3:12 and Prov 15:14 is lev navon. Lev is the standard Hebrew word usually translated as “heart.” Navon is a participle from the verb that means “discern, perceive, understand.” A discerning heart might also be thought of as a perceiving or understanding heart.

A discerning heart might also be thought of as a perceiving or understanding heart.

The Hebrew behind the phrase “discerning heart” in 1 Kings 3:9, where Solomon makes his request, is curiously different, however. It is lev shomea‘, which is translated literally as “a hearing heart,” from the Hebrew verb shama‘, the standard Hebrew verb for “to hear, listen.” Years ago, the New English Bible translated lev shomea‘ as “a heart with a skill to listen.” The translation in the Word Biblical Commentary prefers “a receptive heart.” Both of these options draw out something distinctive and, I believe, essential in Solomon’s request. Yes, he wants to be adept at discerning or understanding. But with the phrase “a hearing heart,” Solomon implies that true wisdom and understanding require careful listening. Listening to what or whom? To the voice of divine Wisdom, to the guidance of the Lord. Thus, the WBC observes, “One must be attentive, receptive, and discriminating if he is to render true justice” (p. 52). The Tyndale Commentary on 1 Kings 3:9 agrees: “The attitude of heart or mind which listens to and obeys God is the foundation of true wisdom” (p. 92).

By asking for a “listening heart,” Solomon recognizes that he will rule justly, not by virtue of his own abilities, even God-given abilities, but only when he listens well to God. Discernment needed for leadership depends on an attitude of humility and receptiveness before the Lord. It is the result of seeking after God’s wisdom, God’s voice.

Discernment needed for leadership depends on an attitude of humility and receptiveness before the Lord. It is the result of seeking after God’s wisdom, God’s voice.

This kind of humility will also help us listen well to others. We will seek to hear what people are saying before we fill the air with our own words. In humility, we will put into practice a petition from the Prayer of St. Francis, “O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand.”

It’s also important to note that in Hebrew, lev, translated as “heart,” does not have the same meaning that “heart” has in English. When we speak of “matters of the heart,” for example, we’re referring to things like emotions, romantic love, and so forth. Ancient Hebrew would locate such things in the bowels, not the heart. For speakers of Hebrew, the “heart” is closer to what we’d call the “mind,” the location of our thinking. But “heart” also includes the will and, sometimes, the emotions. As it says in Psalm 13:5, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.”

So, a discerning heart, or you might say, a listening heart, isn’t only about using our minds to pay attention to God and other people. It’s also about the shaping of our inner beings, our thinking, feeling, and willing. A discerning heart seeks and responds obediently to God’s guidance, while loving others enough to listen to them as well.

A Discerning Heart in the Third Third of Life

God granted Solomon’s request for a “discerning heart” or, more literally, “a listening heart.” In 1 Kings 3:12, the Lord says, “I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.” Solomon’s heart was the source of his deep, wide, and unique wisdom.

We may never have wisdom quite like that of Solomon. But those of us in the third third of life might wonder how we too can have “a discerning heart”? How can we have true wisdom in the third third of life?

Some people assume that wisdom necessarily comes with aging. But both experience and academic research suggest otherwise. You probably know some older people who are exceptionally wise . . . and some who are, well, not so wise. Scholars who have investigated the relationship between age and wisdom concur with this experiential observation. For example, Judith Glück in “Wisdom and aging” observes:

Generally, statistical relationships between wisdom and chronological age are not strong . . . . This makes sense given that, as discussed earlier, there is no universal trajectory of wisdom development; whether and how much individuals grow towards wisdom depends on individual constellations of life experiences and intrapersonal and interpersonal resources (p. 5).

So, if we want to be wise in the third third of life, we can’t simply assume that this will happen automatically. We need to engage in practices that lead to discernment.

Discernment from Listening to People

The unusual wording of Solomon’s request of God in 1 Kings 3:9 suggests one posture that can help us grow in wise discernment. It’s the posture of listening, more specifically, attentive listening or active listening. As my friend Uli Chi writes in The Wise Leader, “One of wisdom’s key attributes is the ability to watch and listen carefully” (p. 29). He admits this is not easy to do. “Learning to hear well is difficult,” he says, before pointing us to the exhortation of the book of James, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger (James 1:19).”

Uli is talking here about listening to the people in our lives, our colleagues and subordinates, our friends and relatives, those with power and those who are on the margins. He suggests one way we can grow in the ability to listen well to others:

One practice that I’ve found helpful is an extension of the practice of active listening. In that discipline, we try to repeat to people what they’ve said to us. That’s relatively easy with simple things, like what someone had for dinner last night. But it’s more complex when dealing with people’s values and beliefs. It requires work to get into their heads to understand what they are saying (p. 72).

Some of the best listeners I have ever known are people in the third third of life (including, I might add, Uli Chi!). Of course, I have also known older people who are so eager to share their own thoughts and feelings that they’re not good listeners. But many of us become better at listening as we age.

Several years ago, when I was working at the H.E. Butt Foundation in Texas, I attended an event that included a delicious sit-down dinner. I ended up at a table with three other people, including Charles Butt, who was then the Chairman and CEO of the HEB Grocery Company. Charles was an exceptionally wise and successful leader, and I looked forward to hearing his wisdom on business, culture, education, leadership, and other things. I figured I could learn a lot from him.

I did learn a lot, but not what I expected. During our 90-minute dinner, Charles guided our conversation, not with his ideas, but with his questions. He asked each of his tablemates numerous questions, showing from his responses that he genuinely listened to what we had said. Then, he’d follow up one question with a deeper one. I thought during dinner that he was getting to know me better in a short period of time than anyone I had known. I came away from that dinner with a new understanding of one major reason why Charles was such an effective leader, and also with a desire to be more like him when it comes to intentional, empathetic listening.

I will confess that I still have that desire, but am making slow progress. I do know that when I’m in a meeting today, I’m better at listening than I once was. When I was younger, I wanted to impress people with my brilliant ideas. Now, in my third third, I’m usually more interested in what others have to say because I’m truly interested in who they are and what they think. I don’t assume, as I once did, that my ideas are the best. But frankly, I still have a long way to go when it comes to having a “listening heart.”

Discernment from Listening to God

There is great value in applying the counsel of James to human relationships by being “quick to listen” and “slow to speak.” But this is also true when it comes to our relationship with God. Though we have freedom to speak openly with God at all times, to “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence” (Heb 4:16), we would do well to develop the ability to listen to God. This is, after all, mostly what Solomon meant when he asked the Lord for a listening heart.

There are many ways to learn to listen to God. Countless books have been written on how to discern God’s will, hear God’s voice, or be guided by God’s wisdom. In the limited space I have left in this article, I want to mention two spiritual disciplines that can help you have a discerning, listening heart.

The Discipline of Silence

First, there is the discipline of silence. We won’t be very good at hearing other voices, whether the voice of the Lord or those of other people, if we’re filling the air with our own words. We would do well to put into practice, not only the advice of James, “be quick to listen, slow to speak,” but also the counsel of many other biblical passages:

The LORD is in his holy temple;
let all the earth be silent before him (Hab 2:20, NRSV).

It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD (Lam 3:26, NRSV).

Be still, and know that I am God!
I am exalted among the nations,
I am exalted in the earth” (Ps 46:10, NRSV).

When we quiet our voice, our mind, and our heart, we can hear the “still small voice” of God (1 Kings 19:12, KJV). Thus, we can develop a “listening heart.”

The Discipline of Journaling

In addition to the discipline of silence, I’d recommend the discipline of journaling, which often goes hand in hand with silence. Journaling is rather like the practice of active listening as described by Uli Chi. “In that discipline,” he says, “we try to repeat to people what they’ve said to us.” When we journal, we often write what we say to God. But journaling is also an occasion to write down what we sense God is saying to us. It’s a time to experience having “a listening heart” in our relationship with the Lord.

Journaling is one of those spiritual disciplines that has often been a struggle for me. Sometimes I’m able to journal consistently, even daily. But most of the time, I end up disappointed with my inconsistency.

In the past few years, however, I have found I’m best at journaling at certain times and in certain contexts. For example, I enjoy this practice and find it helpful when I’m on vacation. I love to get up early, reflect on a passage of Scripture, and write down my conversation with God. Certain times of the year, like Thanksgiving and Lent, are also times in which I am more apt to be regular in journaling. Moreover, in the last couple of years, I have found that Sunday mornings before church are good times for me to write down all that’s going on in my spiritual life, often by using the format of the Ignatian examen. By the time I get to church, I’ve already spent a sweet hour with the Lord.

My journal entries begin with prayers of gratitude, followed by intercession and supplication. But as I pray, I often write down my inner dialogue with God. I “try to repeat to God what I believe God has said to me,” to borrow Uli Chi’s language. Sometimes I’ll talk with the Lord about ideas I have, about my work and relationships, about what I’m learning, and so forth. If you were ever to read my journal, it might seem like rather a jumble. Truly, it is nothing polished or carefully structured. But I trust that God is able to sort it all out.

Conclusion

As I wrap up this article, I find myself hoping that I have had a discerning heart as I have written. I am aware, once again, of how much I want to hear the voice of God in my work and in all of life. Like Solomon, I am eager to be guided by God’s Wisdom in all that I do. I expect you would agree. Thus, like Solomon years ago, we pray together, “Give your servants a discerning heart.”