Three Myths About Aging in the Third Third of Life

Are you familiar with the Pickles comic strip, created by the cartoonist Brian Crane? It features a couple in their seventies, Earl and Opal Pickles, and their desire to enjoy retirement with their family and pets. One comic has stuck with me, and I return to it repeatedly.

Earl and Opal are looking at their wedding portrait on the wall, and he says, “We were so young,” followed by her saying, “We were so skinny.” And then him saying, “We were so poor.” After a pause, Earl says to Opal, “Do you ever wish we could go back to the way things were back then?” and Opal says, “Just the skinny part.”

I love the message of this exchange because it reminds me that every stage of life, from the first third to the third third, has wonderful parts about it and parts that are challenging. Isn’t that the truth?! I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to go back to senior prom or muddling through middle school in all its awkwardness.

But after almost 30 years as a gerontologist, I have found that the third third of life tends to be viewed the most negatively in culture. We are conditioned at a young age to see aging as a bad thing and something to avoid. We are bombarded with ways to color our hair and hide our wrinkles, and told to never ask someone their “real” age. As a young person, we may hear people around us say, “It’s the pits to get old,” or “Don’t ever get old.” And slowly (or not so slowly) we become conditioned to believe that life in the third third is secondary to the other parts of life.

But after almost 30 years as a gerontologist, I have found that the third third of life tends to be viewed the most negatively in culture.

Misconceptions about aging that can affect our own flourishing in the third third, and there are many of them. It’s critical that we discern what is true about aging versus what is cultural messaging that so many have bought into. When we operate from the cultural norms, we perpetuate a view of aging that says this is a time of decline rather than a time of growth—narratives that say your best years are behind you rather than ahead of you. And then these attitudes are instilled in younger generations.

I want my kids to grow up with a different narrative about aging, one that says: “Look at all that is possible when you are older. I can’t wait to get there!” In addition to how younger generations are affected, believing these misconceptions keeps us from fully realizing all that God has for us at this stage of life. Instead of looking at the possibilities and the ways we can continue to make an impact, we often see limitations, and then those around us don’t have the opportunity to benefit from what we might give. So, let’s look at three common myths about aging and consider what research and Scripture say.

Myth # 1: Older adults can’t learn new things.

I think most of us know that this is a false statement, and yet when facing something new, we have often heard others say (or maybe we ourselves have said), “Well, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” In recent years, with the development of the functional MRI, there is much evidence to support the brain’s ability to learn and change even as we age. However, as we get older it does take longer to learn new things.

Consider if we were in a room full of preschoolers and we could somehow see into their brains. The neural pathways and connections would be springing up constantly. Learning when we are young is quick, efficient, and almost easy. As we age, learning takes more effort, more attention, and more time, but it is possible! And not only is it possible, but the overwhelming evidence is that it is indeed good for us! When someone says, “I’m too old to learn that,” what they may be really saying is, “I’m not motivated to learn that.” Motivation is highly tied to learning.

As we age, learning takes more effort, more attention, and more time, but it is possible! And not only is it possible, but the overwhelming evidence is that it is indeed good for us!

In most of the gerontology courses I teach at the University of Nebraska at Omaha, students interview older adults as an assignment or class project. Recently, students invited older adults they interviewed to campus for an end of the semester celebration and reflection time. During the time, a man in his mid-seventies was asked how he spends his time and what he likes about being his age, and he proceeded to tell the class about his fascination with AI. He explained he’s been reading about it, having conversations with informed people in the community, and he was quite educated about the positive ways it may help with health care in the future. It was inspiring to hear from an older adult who is curious about technology and interested in learning about the future.

Titus 2:2-3 gives us Paul’s exhortation to Titus as he tells his young mentee that he must teach the older men and older women. Zero in on that. We often see in Scripture as well as in other literature about the importance of an older generation training the younger generation, but here in this passage, the younger Titus is being told to train the older. This suggests to me that there was an expectation that older adults were able and expected to learn, grow, and change.

Myth # 2: Memory loss is an inevitable part of aging.

Perhaps you’ve heard or used the familiar phrase “I’m having a senior moment” when you are unable to find something, or it takes you longer to come up with someone’s name. We might think those are tell-tale signs of aging, but it’s not all that cut and dry. What’s really going on?

With increasing age, our speed of processing information and our speed at retrieving that information may decline. I like to think of our brains as similar to a file cabinet. As we get older we have more things filed, and therefore it takes a little longer to find what we need and pull it out. But in normal aging, we are able to eventually pull out the thought, idea, or name we want.

Significant memory impairment and cognitive decline signals that something more than normal aging is at play. Not being able to recall what you ate for breakfast today or discovering that you put your watch in the sugar bowl could be symptoms of something more serious and should be checked out.

But, in terms of normal aging and memory, there is so much variability from person to person. When I was in my thirties with young kids at home and I could not find my car keys to leave the house, no one was saying that Amy was having a senior moment. But when grandma misplaces her keys, her family immediately blames it on her age. The truth is everyone has memory lapses, regardless of age. And according to Becca Levy, in her book, Breaking the Age Code, “…what causes certain forms of memory to decline isn’t necessarily aging itself, but rather the way we approach and think about aging—the way culture tells us, and the way we tell ourselves how to grow old.”

Myth # 3: Older adults cannot work as effectively as a younger worker.

Whether it’s paid or unpaid, organizations and groups may believe that the only way to gain new ideas for solving a problem or growing a business is to look to younger adults—those fresh out of college and new in the workplace. And while I am a big fan of empowering young people, we sometimes neglect to consider what an older adult might bring to the table in terms of innovation and fresh thought.

Over 10 years ago I came across the story of Barbara Beskind who was in her early nineties and working with a design company in Silicon Valley. Most of her co-workers were six or seven decades younger than her, but she provided creativity and insight to the staff on designing functional products for older adults. She was constantly thinking about how she might improve the lives of those around her with helpful and innovative solutions to solve mobility problems.

As I mentioned earlier, the speed at which we do something may decline slightly as we age, but when it comes to work, what older adults lack in speed they make up for in skill and experience. Older adults also tend to have less absenteeism and are typically very loyal employees.

When it comes to work, what older adults lack in speed they make up for in skill and experience.

More than ten years ago, a friend told me about an older woman at a church in the Midwest who was engaged in serving in the tech ministry at her church. She had heard about the need for new volunteers and signed up. I have no way of knowing, but I might guess that the young worship pastor may have paused and even wondered if she would work as efficiently as someone younger, learn about the equipment, and remember so many details. Thankfully, even if this pastor thought those things, he was still willing to train and educate her and then include her in the rotating schedule of volunteers. She quickly became one of the most loyal and faithful volunteers. Very seldom did she miss her scheduled day or have to find someone to take her slot.

Reshaping Our Beliefs about the Third Third

While we have only touched on 3 common myths about aging, there are many others that have crept into the culture’s narrative: older adults are bad drivers, older adults lack creativity, older adults are unable to change, etc. You may not resonate with any of the myths mentioned, but my hunch is that there are some negative beliefs and attitudes about aging that you have encountered. For us to thrive in our third third, as well as instill an accurate vision of aging in future generations, we must first recognize the myths and then begin to reshape how we think about aging. If you’d like to take a next step, you might consider choosing one of these ideas to explore in your own life.

1. Ask God to open your eyes and increase your curiosity as to the presence of these myths in your daily life. Consider what you see in the media, hear in a conversation, or observe in a movie or a book. You might start a page in your notes app on your phone or keep a journal where you list what you hear, see, and observe about age. Change starts with awareness.
2. Take some time to read and sit with the lives of Biblical characters and what they teach us about aging. Some characters you might want to prayerfully look at are: Caleb in Joshua 14:10-12; Anna in Luke 2:36-38; and Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 17:17-19; 18:10-15. As you are able, try to enter the scene with each of them. What is it like for them to be older? Where do you see myths about aging or the absence of myths in the narrative? What do their lives tell you about the aging experience

As we gently lay down the myths of aging, we can more fully step into a fruitful and flourishing life in the third third. May it be so.