4 Key Takeaways from the Hidden Work of Leadership Third Third Webinar

During the past six years, as I’ve been investing a good bit of my time in the De Pree Center’s third third work, I’ve met some amazing “third thirders.” Some are working full-time. Others are experiencing some version of retirement. Most are volunteering in a variety of worthy organizations, including churches and other nonprofits. Many are supporting and mentoring younger leaders. All the people I’ve met are approaching the third third of life with curiosity, commitment, and the conviction that God wants to use them for the work of God’s kingdom in the world.

Four of the most amazing third third folks I’ve gotten to know are Thurmon White, Jr., Jimmy Lee, Wendy Elliott Wendover, and Steve McLean. All of them have been and continue to be valued leaders in business, education, non-profit organizations, and/or the church. All of them have stepped away from the full-time work in which they were engaged for decades. And all of them continue to exercise godly, wise leadership in a wide array of contexts. (You can learn more about these leaders from the De Pree Center website: Thurmon, Jimmy, Wendy, and Steve.)

A few weeks ago, the De Pree Center hosted a conversation in a webinar series called The Hidden Work of Leadership Across the Thirds of Life. This webinar followed earlier ones focusing on the First Third and the Second Third.

I loved the conversation between Thurman, Jimmy, Wendy, and Steve. Yes, I suppose I am biased, partly because I have such esteem for these four leaders, and partly because I am rather invested in third third matters. But my enthusiasm for this webinar has more to do with the wonderful combination of honesty, humility, and wisdom exhibited by each of the participants. I learned much from their interaction, and I trust you will too.

At this point, you could stop reading this article and quickly access the webinar online from the De Pree Center website. If you’d like a little more info on the content of the conversation, keep reading this article. I’ll summarize four main takeaways. I should note that Steve was mainly the facilitator of the conversation, so you won’t see many comments from him below.

Key Takeaway 1: Retirement is More Than Leisure

Though, in a way, it would be true to say that Thurman, Jimmy, Wendy, and Steve are retired, it would be wrong to envision their lives as filled with leisure. Thurman said he was retired but noted that “retired” is a “misnomer” because he’s so active and engaged in productive activities. Jimmy admitted that we “can be tempted to retreat into comfort and personal ease,” or to “assume that our season of contribution has passed.” Neither of these describes Jimmy’s life today. Wendy observed that “the idea of taking a permanent weekend” in retirement is inconsistent with the biblical vision of life. She added, “I feel more engaged today in the work that I’m doing than I probably have at any other point [in life].”

Wendy observed that “the idea of taking a permanent weekend” in retirement is inconsistent with the biblical vision of life.

Contrary to popular narratives of retirement, it’s not a time to stop making a difference in the world, though the nature of that difference will likely change when we leave full-time work for the next season of life and work.

Key Takeaway 2: A New Leadership Posture

Thurman, Jimmy, Wendy, and Steve were influential leaders during the second third of their lives. When Steve asked the others what fruitfulness looks like in the third third of life, they talked about different attitudes and practices. Wendy was glad to “encourage others to be the absolute best person they can be.” Jimmy said, “Fruitfulness in this season of my life means using the wisdom, experience, and resources entrusted to me to encourage, guide, and serve others.” He spoke of leading with a different “posture,” testifying to the joy he feels being “in a supportive role” to others, “free from the weight of final decision making.” Thurman, agreeing with Wendy, mentioned that work in retirement is “about helping others to be all that they can be.” It’s not about our own role, authority, success, or reputation. Rather, according to all of the webinar participants, leadership in the third third of life is about serving and supporting others faithfully.

Not just faithfully, but also humbly. Jimmy said that in our efforts to support others, “we must do it with humility.” Thurman agreed, adding that in supporting younger leaders, we must “offer anything humbly.” By prioritizing others, their needs and hopes, he added, we will be “gaining permission” to share our experiences and thoughts with them.

By prioritizing others, their needs and hopes, he added, we will be “gaining permission” to share our experiences and thoughts with them.

Key Takeaway 3: Humility Exercised in Listening

Humility isn’t just something we feel inside. It takes shape in tangible actions. In particular, humility is exercised when we listen attentively, deeply, and empathetically to others.

Thurman, Jimmy, Wendy, and Steve were all in positions where they were empowered to give directions to others. They had the authority to tell people what to do, and even what to think, in some instances. Their organizations needed their decisive guidance, especially as they oversaw the work of others.

But leadership in the third third of life often takes on a different set of priorities. Jimmy, once the CEO of a tech company who was responsible for directing the work of many, is discovering the value of humble listening. “I have been learning,” he said, “to listen more attentively and to ask thoughtful questions.” Thurman talked about the importance of “listening with empathy.” Such listening is not only about getting all the facts right. And it is certainly not about getting what you need to one-up the other person. Rather, listening with empathy seeks to understand both the mind and the heart of another human being.

Rather, listening with empathy seeks to understand both the mind and the heart of another human being.

Wendy concurred with Jimmy and Thurman but added another dimension of listening . . . listening to God. She seeks to let “the Holy Spirit lead “in every aspect” of her volunteer or board work, and in her church and coaching ministry. Though once she would have been responsible for creating and/or following a “map” for her organization’s future, now her work is “remarkably less of following a map, and much more of knowing the direction and letting God lead.” This kind of listening to God requires a humble spirit.

Key Takeaway 4: Identity Changes in the Third Third

For much of life, our identity is closely related to our work. Perhaps our fundamental sense of self is based on our professional role. Thus, when we step down from that role, we can feel lost and displaced. Wendy observed that “if our rudder or anchor has been in a job title, this is a really hard time.” But there is an opportunity for growth here as well. We can learn, Wendy noted, to find our true identity in Christ. This identity becomes “our rudder, our anchor.”

God will use our past and present experiences, both good and bad, to help us know who we truly are as God’s beloved children, servants, and saints. Jimmy shared that God “used both success and failure to teach me to anchor my life, my identity, in Christ rather than in title or performance.”

Conclusion

In this article on The Hidden Work of Leadership Third Third webinar, I’ve only scratched the surface. You’ll learn so much more when you listen to the whole webinar. (You can find it here.) Plus, you’ll begin to understand why I am so impressed with Thurman, Jimmy, Wendy, and Steve, and why I am so grateful for their willingness to share with us, not only their wisdom, but also their lives, yes, their minds and hearts. I’m also grateful to Michaela and the De Pree Center team for the excellent work they’re doing on leadership, including leadership by those of us in the third third of life.